Chaos on the Highwind
by Erhya-Tribal
Summary: Oh no Cid's lost his cigarettes! What's gonna happen?


Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy and never will, save some miracle happens and I get rich and buy it ... but that won't happen now will it?  
  
Author's notes: This is my very first fanfic of any type well... the first one that might just be worthy of posting...so go easy on me ok? On second thought ... don't go easy I feel that if some one thinks I deserve to be flamed, then hey go for it. I'm running low on wood to fuel the great Sephiroth's altar fires anyway. ^_^ Oh and pardon the script format, it's the only way I can make anything even halfway interesting, so I'm looking for a co-writer to help me. Oh and by the way again, pardon the censory things, I'm trying to make this seem semi-real and the censor things show up alot when Cid speaks in the game.  
  
Oh and a notice to my first two flamers. It's not like I'm mad or anything but. do ya think you could at least use grammer that I can almost translate? Honestly. people flame and I can't even understand it because the grammer's so darn bad.  
  
And many thank you's to Troah who helped me think of stuff for Cid and Company to do on their quest ^_^  
  
Erhya: Hey there welcome to my world, where author's have the ultimate power and a certain some one could make Sephiroth fall in love with me *sigh* I wish... But anyway, this is what happens when one; Cid Highwind loses that pack of cigarettes that he keeps tucked behind his ear....  
  
  
  
Cid: Whaddya mean lose my cigarettes?!? What the $&*^$%#$ are you %^&$^$%^ talkin' about?!?  
  
  
  
Erhya: Um nothing Cid, nothing at all....  
  
Ok intro's over on to the real story.  
  
It's a nice day on the Highwind, If you manage to discount the awful blood curdling screams that is...  
  
Cid: Where the $^%&$% are my goddamn cigarettes?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!?!?  
  
  
  
Cid looks around after his yells to find that the entire crew and his traveling companions were on  
  
the floor with their ears covered with the exception of RedXIII who was clinging to the ceiling and in shock.  
  
  
  
Cloud (getting up from the floor): I told you, you'd lose them if you kept them behind your ear like you do...  
  
  
  
Everyone manages the get off the floor, but poor Red is still hanging from the ceiling.  
  
  
  
Cid: What the $%&$^% are you talkin' bout spiky ass punk, they've never %^&$%& gone missing before!!!!!!  
  
Tifa: Cid calm down they'll turn up!  
  
  
  
Cid: *glares* I need my goddamn cigarettes NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
Most of the companions had managed to run away at this point, but Tifa, Barret, Cloud, and sorta Red (still on the ceiling) stay.  
  
  
  
Barret: Don' $%^^%& worry 'bout it Cid, we'll help. Just between us I'm the same way when I lose my damn liquor.  
  
  
  
Cid (looking depressed rather than angry): Ya will?  
  
  
  
Tifa smiles encouragingly: Of course we will.  
  
  
  
Cloud merely looks smug: Let's mosey  
  
  
  
Barret: Stop sayin' it like a $%^&$^% wimp!  
  
And so our hero's set off to find Cid's missing cigarettes. The Eskimo Bob quest song plays "ding ding aling ding ding ding aling ding ding ding aling ding bob ding ding aling ding." (No I don't own this either, Eskimo Bob is the property of Tomas and Alan Guinan and I don't even have their permission to use it but I think they're nice guys and won't sue)  
  
  
  
******************** In the chocbo stable***************************  
  
  
  
Unknown: Are you sure this is alright Aries? I mean ... Your friends managed to revive you but they think I'm dead and prefer me that way.  
  
  
  
Aries: Of course it's alright! Who's gonna come in here while the search for Cid's cigarettes is on anyway? Now why don't you kiss me, Sephiroth?  
  
  
  
Sephiroth: oh ... um ... ok  
  
  
  
Sephiroth and Aries proceed to do the nasty, when who else but Cid walks in?  
  
  
  
Cid: Holy $%^*%^& Shit!!!!!!!  
  
Cloud, and Barret : Holy Shit!.  
  
Cloud: Oh. My. God.  
  
  
  
Cloud faints.  
  
  
  
Barret: What the hell?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?  
  
Tifa: Yes! Cloud is mine! .... I mean Holy Shit!!!!!!!  
  
The very naked Aries hides behind a black chocobo, while the not so naked Sephiroth cuts off the KO'd Cloud's hair and jumps out the nearest porthole laughing maniacally.  
  
  
  
All proceed to stare at Cloud who now has Zell style hair.  
  
....  
  
All proceed to stare at Aries who pulls her dress on quickly.  
  
  
  
Cid and Barret: Ok now this is just %$*&^ed up...  
  
  
  
Tifa and Aries whisper behind the chocobo who has suddenly changed from black to red.  
  
  
  
Cid and Barret: Ok now that's even more $%&%$^ed up...  
  
  
  
Cid drags Cloud out of the chocobo stable and Barret follows.  
  
  
  
Cid: I need my goddamn cigarettes Barret.  
  
Barret: I %^*%^ know already, so where can we dump this spiky little ass, Cloud while we look?  
  
Cid catches sight of Yuffie and grins evilly: That my dear friend we will leave to seasick ninja bitch.  
  
  
  
Cid and Barret dump Cloud and his new "do" with Yuffie and go on deck to search more.  
  
  
  
Cid: %$*$^&*^ I need my godamn cigarettes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
...  
  
  
  
Cid proceeds to cry on Barret.  
  
Barret: The hell you doin' foo'?  
  
Cid: *sob* need cigarette *sob  
  
Barret rolls his eyes and pats Cid on the back  
  
  
  
...  
  
  
  
Cid: Barret?  
  
  
  
Barret: The hell you want now?!?  
  
  
  
Cid: I think I'm gay  
  
  
  
...  
  
  
  
...  
  
  
  
Barret: Yeah me too  
  
...  
  
Cid and Barret forget the cigarettes and start making out.  
  
  
  
( . Why did I make them do that?!? ... cause it fit too well that's why...Everything else is @#$^@# up in this fic..)  
  
  
  
****************************************back at Yuffie's corner ***************************  
  
  
  
Yuffie takes a puff on one of Cid's cigarettes and smiles: These things sure do help with my sea sickness...  
  
  
  
Cloud wakes up and realizes that something is wrong with his hair.  
  
  
  
...  
  
  
  
Cloud: OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
  
  
Yuffie: Shut up Cloud, it's cute like that.  
  
  
  
Cloud: Think so?  
  
  
  
Yuffie and Cloud suddenly start making out.  
  
  
  
END  
  
  
  
Erhya: Well what do you think? Too much Make Out Virus? Suck having Red stuck to the ceiling in shock for the whole fic and most of the others hiding from Cid's nicotine craving wrath? Please Review. Please? Pretty Please with Sugar and Sephiroth on top?  
  
  
  
Sephiroth: HEY  
  
  
  
Erhya: oh uh sorry ^_^;; 


End file.
